What Happens When We Have Time to Go Deeper in Therapy
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By Kris Silvestry, MA, NCC, LPC, ACS, CCTP, RYT-500
I had a very early session this morning.
Like, really early.
I am also in the middle of an EMDR intensive this week, so I have spent a lot of hours in the therapy room over the last few days. More concentrated hours than a normal week, with much longer stretches of time to actually sit with people and follow where things go.
And this morning I walked away thinking, I really love this work.
I love when we have time.
I love long-term clients. I love extended sessions. I love intensives. I love that moment when we realize that the thing we thought we were working on is connected to something else, which is connected to something else, and suddenly something that has never completely made sense starts to make a whole lot more sense.
There is something incredible about watching a person go that deeply into their own story.
And I am so grateful that I get to be there for it.
There Is So Much More Underneath the First Story
Most of us can explain what is happening in our lives.
We know we are anxious.
We know we are angry.
We know we don't trust people easily.
We know we keep choosing the same kind of relationship.
We know we are terrified of disappointing someone.
We know we are exhausted from taking care of everybody.
We know we can't say no.
We know we overthink everything.
But knowing what we do and understanding why our mind and body learned to do it are two very different things.
That is the part I find fascinating.
Because sometimes something that looks like anxiety isn't really about what is happening today.
Sometimes the reaction that seems completely out of proportion actually makes perfect sense once we understand the history underneath it.
Sometimes the person who "doesn't need anyone" learned a very long time ago that needing people wasn't safe.
Sometimes the person who is terrified of disappointing everyone learned that being good, helpful, quiet, successful, easy, or useful kept them connected to the people they needed.
Sometimes anger has been sitting there for years underneath being "fine."
And sometimes we don't know any of this when we start.
We find it together.
This Is Why I Love Having More Time
There is nothing wrong with a 45-minute therapy session. I do them all the time.
Amazing work happens in those sessions.
But there is something different about having more time.
We don't have to look at the clock just as we get somewhere.
We can follow something.
A thought brings up a memory.
The memory brings up a feeling.
The feeling connects to something that happened years before.
Then there is an image.
Or a body sensation.
Or suddenly a completely different memory comes up and at first it seems like it has absolutely nothing to do with what we were talking about.
Except it does.
That is the part I love.
Not because I know where it is going.
I usually don't.
I actually think some of the best work happens when neither of us tries too hard to decide where it is supposed to go.
We get curious.
Let's stay there for a second.
What just happened?
Where did you go?
What did you notice?
Why did that come up?
What does that remind you of?
And then we follow it.
Jung Had a Lot to Say About This
I have always loved the parts of Jungian psychology that ask us to look underneath what we consciously know about ourselves.
Carl Jung believed that so much of our inner life exists outside of our conscious awareness. We carry old patterns, fears, beliefs, images, dreams, conflicts, and parts of ourselves that we may not completely understand.
And those things don't just disappear because we aren't consciously thinking about them.
They show up.
They show up in relationships.
They show up in what makes us angry.
They show up in the people we are drawn to.
They show up in the things we cannot tolerate in other people.
They show up in the same argument we keep having with a different person.
They show up in the dream we keep having.
They show up in the thing we swore we would never do, and then catch ourselves doing.
Jung called some of this the shadow, the parts of ourselves we learned to look away from because at some point looking was too much. He didn't think the goal was to get rid of those parts. He thought the work was turning toward them. Letting them be known. Letting them be ours.
That is a lot of what happens when we have time.
Not fixing. Not managing. Not getting better at hiding it.
Just finally getting to look at the whole thing, with somebody sitting there with you while you do.
If You Want This Kind of Work
If any of this sounds like the kind of therapy you have been looking for, there are a few ways in.
Some people start with weekly counseling and stay for years, and the depth builds slowly over time. Some people have been in therapy for a while and feel ready to go further faster, which is often when an EMDR intensive makes sense. Some people want to get to know the different parts of themselves more directly, and that is where IFS work comes in.
You don't have to know which one you need. That is a conversation, not a decision you have to make alone before you call.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is an EMDR intensive?
An EMDR intensive is therapy scheduled in longer blocks of time rather than a standard weekly session, often several hours across one or more days. The extended format gives you room to stay with something and follow it, instead of stopping just as you get somewhere.
How long is a normal therapy session?
A traditional therapy session usually runs about 45 to 50 minutes. Extended sessions and intensives are scheduled differently and are often used when someone wants more uninterrupted time.
Why do old memories come up in therapy when I came in for something else?
This is common. What brings someone to therapy is often connected to something older, and when there is time to follow the thread, those connections tend to surface on their own rather than being hunted for.
Is longer therapy better than weekly sessions?
Not better, different. Weekly therapy builds something steady over time, and a lot of meaningful work happens in that format. Longer sessions and intensives suit people who want more concentrated time to go deeper. Many people do both at different points.
What is Jungian psychology in therapy?
Jungian psychology refers to ideas developed by Carl Jung, including the view that much of our inner life, our patterns, fears, and the parts of ourselves we avoid, exists outside our conscious awareness and shows up in our relationships and reactions.
